1 Corinthians 12:31-13:13
Introduction: In many ways we have started this year as confused, divided, and unsettled as we ended last year. As we look to the future as a church, people, and country, where should we turn? We might think we live in a peculiar time of division and despair, but in 1 Corinthians, Paul encouraged a church in a similar situation. The Corinthians were not only divided by who they followed, but also about what they emphasized. What we can learn from Paul is that it is easy to lose sight of what can guide us through our differences. We might have good intentions or concerned theology, but when we don’t have love, we miss out on everything that God intends for us. Love, according to the Bible, is the most excellent way.
The True Power of Kindness | If you were asked what the most powerful force in the world is, you would probably not respond “kindness.” If you are a Christian, you might even respond with something like truth, persuasion, sacrifice, or miracles. However, Paul makes a case for unmatched power of kindness. In 1 Corinthians 13:4 Paul coins a new verb (chresteuetai) from the noun form of kindness (chrestos). He did this to get the point across that kindness is not primarily a concept, an inward feeling, or a force out there, but “love in action.” We need to remember that Paul wrote this chapter as a rebuke to a divided church, and not as an abstract description of love. He was telling them that they were missing the unmatched power of love in action because they lacked kindness.
Last week we looked at love as patience, and this week we are considering love as kindness. Notice that patience and kindness are the only two positive descriptions (“love is…”) Paul attributes to love. Every other description is negative (love is not…). What Paul is saying is that patience and kindness are two sides of the same coin. Genuine love has both. Patience is the restraining side of love, while kindness is the active side of love. What’s remarkable is how Paul puts forward patience and kindness as having the power to heal and restore even the messiest and most difficult of situations and relationships.
1. The Strength of Kindness – To grasp the true strength of kindness first we need to clear up some misconceptions about what kindness is.
A. Kindness is Tenderhearted (not nice) – Kindness is not merely goodness done to another person, but goodness that comes from a tender heart (Eph 4:32). This means that kindness is the strength to let other people and their needs into our hearts. By contrast, consider niceness. We ought not completely denigrate being nice, but we ought to realize how easy it is to be nice while also remaining at a “safe” distance from others. It is actually quite easy to be nice and hard-hearted or closed off to others. Often, we are nice just to keep people from bothering us. Remember that the Bible never describes God as nice, but kind. Niceness doesn’t require much strength, but kindness requires the strength to let others’ needs, hurts and concerns into our hearts.
B. Kindness is Gentle (not weak) – Kindness is not merely doing or saying the right thing, but gently doing or saying the right thing (Titus 3:2). Kindness does not take the weak or timid way of not speaking or acting when love requires. Rather, kindness takes the way of action. But it is action with caution knowing everyone is subject to the brokenness and difficulty in life as we are. Weakness takes the way of inaction. Action without kindness responds to disagreement and tension with anger, irritability, or rudeness. Kindness is the strength of gentle action. Kindness like this has the strength to turn away wrath (Prov. 15:1) and put out fires - even fires you did not create.
C. Kindness is Gracious (not courteous) – Being courteous is about giving people the respect they deserve, but kindness is about doing good to people even when they deserve otherwise. Of course, everyone possesses dignity by virtue of being made in God’s image. But we all know when some people don’t deserve our kindness! Perhaps you have clashed with someone and their irritability and rudeness prompted you to respond in kind. It takes great strength to move beyond being courteous to being graciously kind. But kindness like this has great power. In fact, it has been shown that the strongest predictor of marital strength and stability is kindness (see the work of marriage expert John Gottman). True strength is required to show grace towards those that have offended you and who don’t deserve your kindness – but kindness like this is what strengths and sustains relationships for a lifetime.
2. The Strength For Kindness – How do we get the strength for kindness like this?
A. Confronted – Romans 2:1-4 says there are two types of people in the world: those who despise God’s kindness, and those who recognize it and repent. We must first be confronted by God’s kindness to us to become kind ourselves. Despite our sin and lack of love, God has been tenderhearted, gentle and gracious to us beyond what we will ever know! It is God’s kindness is meant to lead us to repentance! The confrontation that leads us to genuine change and transformation is a confrontation with God’s kindness. At the cross we see 1) the judgment we deserve and 2) the kindness we’ve been give. Christianity says how can someone who has been confronted by the kindness of God, tell anyone else that they are unworthy of our own kindness?!
B. Compelled – Because of God’s kindness to us, we are compelled to be kind to others. The compelling nature of Christianity is not in commands, strictness, or guilt, but the person of Jesus Christ. He is kindness in action! We need not ask what is love, as if just need a clearer definition - but who is love. Though we were once lost, disobedient, and enslaved by sin (Titus 3:3-4) Jesus became love in action, love in person for us. Only those of us that have truly experienced the kindness of God to us in Christ – at our worst - will be strong enough to be truly kind to others – even at their worst. Let us go into the world with a new awareness of the power for kindness that we have in Christ. Love is patient, love is kind… what about you? .
REFLECT OR DISCUSS
How is Paul’s teaching about kindness and love in 13 relevant to you? Are you challenged or convicted?
Have you ever considered patience and kindness as the most powerful characteristics of a Christian? What other characteristics have you considered important in your life (truth, sacrifice, prayer)? How would these all work together?
Consider the Greek word for kindness “chrestos” and how Paul coins the verb form “chresteuetai” to communicate the kindness is love in action. What does this say about biblical kindness? Is this how you have traditionally understood kindness?
Can you think of a time recently in which you were nice but not tenderhearted? How does this connect with your overall view of vulnerability in relationships?
Read Proverbs 15:1. What is the connection between gentleness and turning away wrath? Do you have a story when you have done this successfully?
Marriage expert John Gottman mentions a difference between “masters” and “disasters.” Masters scan people for things they can appreciate and be thankful for, while disasters scan for people’s mistakes and what needs to be criticized. Do you agree with his assessment or not? How does this relate to biblical kindness?
Read Romans 2:1-4. What does it mean that God’s kindness leads us to repentance? Where do you most need God’s kindness? What does that say about how we should treat other? How do we do this without being regarded as passive or weak?