Introduction: We have more access to information and knowledge than ever before, but we are still so confused, conflicted, and divided. What must we do? The book of Proverbs teaches us that wisdom is the missing piece of the puzzle, the lost treasure of our time. We must rediscover it, ourselves and as a church, if we are to stand firm in a world drowning in information but lacking in wisdom. This Fall, let’s come together to “get wisdom” and allow it to reorient our lives, our families, and our communities.
Digging Deeper | During our study in the book of Proverbs, we have considered the wisdom of how to approach relationships and communication. We have learned that wisdom calls us to navigate conflicts in our relationships with patient love and to evaluate the weight of our words in every context. But there is more. God calls us to wisdom in our words and actions, but also at the source of where these things come from – our emotions. There is something beneath many of our relational conflicts that make them much more difficult to process, and that is our anger. Many of us are aware of the angry culture we live in. We are hard-pressed to get far into the news or social media without running headlong into some kind of “outrage.” Proverbs gives us wisdom for how to handle our anger.
1. Admit that You Have It
Prov 29:11 - “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person holds it in check.”
Prov 14:29 - “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.”
The first step in getting wisdom for anger is to admit that we experience it. We might say we are only “frustrated, ”annoyed,” or “irritated,” but we know that these are varying degrees of anger. Certainly, these terms are helpful, but not if we use them to shy away from the fact that we are angry, and we are tempted to do just that. The presence of anger is not wrong or sinful; it is the mishandling of anger that is wrong or sinful. Nowhere in the book of Proverbs do we find any instruction not to be angry or that anger belongs to the fool and not to the wise. Rather, it is the fool who gives full vent to anger and becomes controlled by it. The wise person experiences anger but exhibits control over it. The wise experience anger because anger is an important emotion and a powerful indicator of something wrong. There is a lot of wrong in the world, and even the wise have a right to be angry. Their anger is not hasty like the fool, nor is their goal to rid themselves of anger altogether, but of developing a character over time that is “slow to anger.”
2. Be Aware of its Potency
Prov 29:22 - “An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins.”
Prov 21:19 - “Better to live in a wilderness than with a nagging and hot-tempered wife.”
Prov 14:17 - “A quick-tempered man does foolish things, and the one who devises evil schemes is hated.”
Anger has the power to stir us up toward good things or take us down a path of destruction. How can this be? Anger can stir up further conflict in our relationships and explode into many other sins. One commentator describes anger as a gateway drug to sin. 29:22 highlights this reality, and many of us can relate to a time in which we have witnessed anger take us or someone we know down an entirely different direction we would ever intend to go. The potency of anger is more than the ability to explode; it has a more subtle power to make us into unbearable people. 21:19 draws attention to the danger of allowing our homes to become places of continual anger and strife. A wife is mentioned specifically, but we know that men are equally, if not more, prone to a hot-tempered nature. 14:17 speaks to the foolish things of which we are capable when we are angry. Anger has the power to take over our minds and cloud our judgment. Plans motivated by anger are called “evil schemes.” That might sound extreme to us, but consider the last time you were angry. Did you come up with a wise and loving plan of action? Did you feel the rush to act impulsively? We should not be surprised because anger is not always concerned with a wise course of action as much as deliberate action.
3. Avoid it in Others when Possible
Prov 19:19 - “A person with intense anger bears the penalty; if you rescue him, you'll have to do it again.”
22:24-25 - “Don't make friends with an angry person, and don't be a companion of a hot-tempered one, or you will learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.”
29:8 - “Mockers inflame a city, but the wise turn away anger.”
Proverbs warns us - we can be drawn in by the anger of others. 19:19 alludes to a cycle of anger that captures not only the angry person but also the rescuer. 22:24-25 says if we surround ourselves with angry people, we will learn their ways and entangle ourselves. This is not to say that it is wise to evade people, but it is wise to slow down our anger to channel it for good. 29:8 reminds us that anger intensifies in droves. Consider the speed and intensity of anger when something outrageous captures attention in the news or social media. The wise person considers acting in ways to turn away anger in others rather than inciting it.
4. Ask it, “Why?”
Prov 29:11 - “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person holds it in check.”
The main contrast between wisdom and folly in relation to anger has to do with the speed and intensity of our anger. The wise are called to be “slow to anger” in a way that reflects God’s character. One of the most important ways we can slow down anger is to explore it by questioning it. We should not automatically trust our anger because we know how easily it can trap us or lead us into various sins. We see this in the Scriptures when God confronts two angry people: Cain and Jonah. In both cases, God asks them, “why are you angry?” Anger often reveals what matters most to us, which is typically what we are desperate to have or control instead of entrusting to God. What we are most angry about will reveal to us what we most love and value. Is it the other person’s good? The righteous cause? Or is it our own pride, ego and reputation. Is it our own comfort and preferences? Rarely is our anger motivated by pure desires for God’s glory and another’s good. In addition, anger is often considered “a secondary emotion” because we of how we use it to avoid more painful feelings like grief, fear, or loneliness. When we slow down anger, we attempt to explore our motives and reasons for anger before responding to the person or situation. With all these factors in mind, we can see why James says “human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness”. Human anger alone cannot make things right – we must move “through” our anger to love. How does that happen?
5. Allow it to Lead you to Jesus
Prov 19:11 - “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”
Prov 10:12 - “Hatred stirs up conflicts, but love covers all offenses.”
The book of Proverbs is unique in its description of “slow to anger.” Every other book of the Old Testament in which we find this term applies it to God Himself. Proverbs tells us this is how we should handle our anger too. Our God is not without anger because our world is not without sin. All but one instance in the Bible that describes God as slow to anger also mentions his abounding in steadfast love. God’s love does not oppose his anger. It’s anger that moves his love into action. He can answer offenses gently, turn away wrath and right the wrongs done to him. We can learn to do this same.
When we experience anger we have three options: ignore it and let it grow, give full vent to it and let it stir up more, or consider it and allow it to lead us back to God, who answered anger perfectly.
God answered anger in this, “while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8). The wisdom of God is that he answered anger in a way that turned away wrath; He destroyed the sin but not the sinner. 19:11 and 10:12 give us small glimpses of what God has done for us. He has overlooked our sins through the work of Christ and has covered our offenses with his blood. God absorbed the anger of the offenses in order to love the offenders. God is gentle and kind, and it is his kindness that leads us to repentance. If we desire to be like Him, then we must repent for how we have mishandled our anger, and we must follow the example of our God found in the wisdom of Christ. Jesus is the gentle answer to “outrage” culture, and he is the best guide for our angry hearts. We are challenged by the words of Thomas à Kempis: “Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” Perhaps we should be as gracious to others in our anger to the extent that we are aware of our own need for grace.
Reflect or Discuss
Which proverb in this lesson resonates the most with you and why?
How might anger lie beneath the surface of our words, actions, and behaviors? Can you describe a time in which you were able to identify the source of your anger before it got out of hand?
The Washington Post mentioned that we are living in a giant “anger incubator.” In what ways have you witnessed this to be true? Why do you think anger is so prevalent in our culture?
In what ways does anger alarm us to something wrong we might need to pay attention to within ourselves? Why are we tempted to downplay our anger? Why are we tempted to say “all anger is wrong”?
How can anger be a “gateway drug” to other sins or lead us into a trap that involves others? In what ways can anger be a potent force for good?
Read James 1:19-20. What is the relation between listening, speaking, and anger? Why is it so difficult to slow down our anger? What are some practical ways to do this?
What are you more tempted to do when you are angry: deny it, hide it, or vent it? How can your anger lead you to God?
How does the way in which God handles his anger in the gospel good news? What does the cross teach us about the need to answer anger (not ignore it)? What does the cross teach us about gently answering anger in a way the turns away wrath?
In what setting/situation are you most in need of your anger being “gentled” by the gospel? What might this look like?
Final thought - The gospel tells us God, in his infinite wisdom, found a way to destroy the offenses we have committed against him without destroying (the offenders). The heat of his anger destroyed our sin without destroying us. Jesus absorbed the heat so we could be saved. How does this help us absorb the heat of our anger in the moment when it rises up to destroy?
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