Introduction: We have more access to information and knowledge than ever before, but we are still so confused, conflicted, and divided. What must we do? The book of Proverbs teaches us that wisdom is the missing piece of the puzzle, the lost treasure of our time. We must rediscover it, ourselves and as a church, if we are to stand firm in a world drowning in information but lacking in wisdom. This Fall, let’s come together to “get wisdom” and allow it to reorient our lives, our families, and our communities.

I. How We Talk to People

According to Proverbs, the one area of life that reveals our wisdom or our folly more than any other is our relationships with people. Proverbs has much to say about relationships, especially how we should use our words. Proverbs give us wisdom for how we talk to people and for how we talk about people when they are not around. Our words about people can be destructive and toxic if we are not careful. This is especially true in our current cultural climate. Proverbs offers four key aspects of God’s wisdom for talking about people:

What is at Stake?

Prov 22:1 - “A good name is to be chosen over great wealth; favor is better than silver and gold.”

We must first consider what is at stake anytime we talk about another person. Consider your name. Your name is your reputation, a part of you that exists in other peoples’ minds. What is your name worth to you? This proverb teaches us that a good name is more valuable than money. That is why many of us go to great lengths to honor our words, commitments, and core beliefs. But Proverbs also teaches us that we don’t have all the power regarding our names. Other people can uphold or discredit your name, and you have that power when you speak about others. Every time you take someone’s name on your lips, you are holding up something precious to another person. The stakes are very high.

When it Does Great Damage

Prov 11:9 - “With his mouth the ungodly destroys his neighbor, but through knowledge the righteous are rescued.”

The next piece of wisdom we consider in Proverbs is knowing how talking about people can cause great damage. Even if we don’t realize it, we can shatter people’s names by using our mouths. How can that be? It when are talking about other people is gossip, slander, or bearing false witness. Let’s consider each one in turn.

Gossip:

Prov 11:13 - “A gossip goes around revealing a secret, but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence.”
Prov 20:19 - “The one who reveals secrets is a constant gossip; avoid someone with a big mouth.”
Prov 16:28 - “A contrary person spreads conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.”
Prov 26:20 - “Without wood, fire goes out; without a gossip, conflict dies down.”

In broad terms, gossip is speaking about someone in a negative light to another person. One scholar defines it as “speaking to third parties about a person with the intention of harm, not help.” As we see in 11:13 and 20:19, gossip shares something secret that should be kept in confidence. The point in 16:28 and 26:20 is that gossip can spread like a fire and cause great harm. Collectively, these proverbs show that gossip betrays trust, spreads conflict, and separates friends.

Slander:

Prov 10:18 - “The one who conceals hatred has lying lips, and whoever spreads slander is a fool.”

Slander is speaking untruthfully of someone else with harmful intent. This includes half-truths, innuendos, or exaggerations. When we speak in this way, we are concealing something within us related to anger or hatred. As we can see, when we don’t speak to someone about our hurt feeling directly, it often comes out in “lying” about them to others – damaging their name.

False Witness:

Prov 25:17 - “Whoever speaks the truth declares what is right, but a false witness speaks deceit.”
Prov 17:4 - “A wicked person listens to malicious talk; a liar pays attention to a destructive tongue.”

Both gossip and slander can be forms of bearing false witness because it is very difficult to give an accurate picture of someone else. There is an important place for speaking a hard truth about others, but never a place to present a false picture of someone else deliberately. Speaking this way violates the 9th commandment and our love for our neighbor. Not only can speaking this way damage people but listening to it can do just as much damage. The choice to listen is condemned alongside speaking falsely. It is like watching a fire spread and doing nothing about it.

Why do we do it? The answer might be unsettling, but we do it because it makes us feel better about ourselves. In fact, Proverbs compares it to something we all love.

Prov 18:8 and 26:22 - “A gossip’s words are like choice food that goes down to one’s innermost being.”

Not only does it taste good, but gossip can go deeper than we might think. This is a clear warning that it will not be easy to reverse course once we partake in a little gossip, slander, or false witness. One gossip “gets in” it can permanently shape the way we see another person for the worse.

3. When it Does Great Good

Indeed speaking about others can deeply wound us and those we talk about, but we can also speak in a way that spreads love, justice, and blessing. Whenever we speak, we have the potential to uplift others and change the world for the better.

Prov 31:8-9 - “Speak up for those who have no voice, for the justice of all who are dispossessed. Speak up, judge righteously, and defend the cause of the oppressed and needy.”
Prov 11:11 - “A city is built up by the blessing of the upright, but it is torn down by the mouth of the wicked.”

These proverbs connect the concept of speaking about others to righteousness and building community. In speaking about others, we can further the cause of justice or truly help someone in need. The concept of blessing in view here is a spoken blessing. A spoken blessing can build up an entire community where gossip, slander, or false witness would destroy it.

4. What it Reveals About Us

Prov 11:12 - “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent.”

This proverb helps us get to the root of the problem in talking about others. In this proverb, “lack sense” literally means “lacks heart,” so we could say that someone who gossips, slanders, or bears false witness about someone else has a heart problem. It should alarm us because a true Christian should never lack a heart for others names. This is why James is so vociferous about taming the tongue. “With the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in God’s likeness. Blessing and cursing come out of the same mouth. My brothers and sisters, these things should not be this way. Does a spring pour out sweet and bitter water from the same opening? (Jas 3:9-11). Our words reveal what is inside our hearts, and what it reveals is that we want to build ourselves up at the expense of others.

II. How Jesus Talks About Us

What has been revealed about us cannot be overcome by sheer willpower. We need something much stronger. Only the gospel has the power to change what is inside of us so that we no longer need what gossip gives us. Christianity does not deny that there is something worthy of cursing and judgment in every person. It doesn’t give us a self-help narrative that tells us there’s nothing bad to say about us. No – we are told the hard truth. Our sin and selfishness is called out for what it is. Yet we are told at the same time - Jesus knows everything about your name worthy of cursing and he chose to take it all upon his own name for you.

We might forget that others gossiped, slandered, and lied about Jesus during his entire earthly ministry. He was called insane, demonic, the devil himself, and a liar. He was even slandered as he was being crucified. They lied about him to kill him. Why? Jesus allowed his own name to be defiled to clear our own names. Despite our unworthiness, we are greatly loved, valued, and approved by him forever. Think about what Jesus is doing right now? He is talking about you, not with words of shame or derision or judgment or criticism, but with words of love, blessing, honor and approval. This present ministry of Jesus is called intercession. It means Jesus is speaking for us, He forever lives and pleads for you as your constant advocate in heaven.

If you truly understand how Jesus talks about you, you’d never want to gossip or slander ever again. This means on the internet too. How we talk about people sets patterns in our lives, relationships, and communities. When we speak about others, we should always aim to present them as clearly as if they were present. Amid the never-ending culture wars, the work of Christ invites us into a new competition: We should outdo one another in showing honor (Rom 12:10).

Reflect or Discuss

What about this sermon most impacted you or left you with questions?
Why do we value our names so much? How do you want others to treat your name, and what does that say about you? What would it mean for you to treat someone’s name like a rare and valuable artifact that you would never want to drop?
How can we tell if we are prone to gossip? Why do you think we so enjoy speaking and listening to gossip about other people?
Do you agree that there we have a serious cultural problem with slander and bearing false witness (ie speaking about them in anything less than wholly truthful)? What do we get from talking about other people like this.
Review the Proverbs under “When It Does Great Good”. Have you seen these Proverbs play out in your life? How so?
Read James 3:6-12. What is James’ saying about what our words reveal about us?
It was said, “When we understand and believe the gospel, we no longer need what gossip gives us”. What does this look like when we are tempted to soothe our insecurity by gossip or slander?
What does it mean that Jesus is currently interceding for you? If Jesus is our Advocate (1 John 2:1-2), what does the mean about how he is talking about us? Based on Scripture, what might he be saying about you?
What does Paul mean by “outdoing one another” with honor? How does this counteract our tendency to dishonor others with whom we disagree?

How might this set of reflection questions help prevent us from doing damage to others by how we talk about them:

Would we say this about someone if that person were here?
Does sharing this particular point help me love the person I am speaking about more?
Do I have enough knowledge of the situation to present an accurate picture?
Is this something I would want to be said about me?

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