Introduction: We have more access to information and knowledge than ever before, but we are still so confused, conflicted, and divided. What must we do? The book of Proverbs teaches us that wisdom is the missing piece of the puzzle, the lost treasure of our time. We must rediscover it, ourselves and as a church, if we are to stand firm in a world drowning in information but lacking in wisdom.
The Importance of Words | Of all the ways the book of Proverbs instructs us in wisdom, the use of words is one of the most frequent topics. This makes sense if you think about how often we use words. Words are a part of almost everything we do! We use words to connect with others, convey meaning, and bring our ideas into reality. Our words impact the closeness of our relationships and the quality of our work. This is all a part of how we image God. For God created all things by His Word and relates to us through His Word. This is why Proverbs teaches that how we use our words is one of the most important pieces of wisdom we can get.
I. How We Talk to People
The Power of Our Words
Prov 18:21 - “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
The first mark of wisdom in our words is to recognize the weight they carry. On the one hand, words can spark violence, inflame anger, or lead to great injustice. This Proverb speaks not only of physical death but of relational death. The deadly tongue destroys community and its owner. On the other hand, words can resolve conflict, bring peace, and restore life. The life-giving tongue creates community and blesses its owner. One thing is for sure - you will eat the fruit of your tongue.
Prov 20:15 - “There is gold and a multitude of jewels, but knowledgeable lips are a rare treasure.”
If you were to find a rare treasure, you would become very powerful. People would suddenly desire to listen to you and get to know you. But this Proverb shows that there is a rare treasure already within our reach. That treasure is possessing “knowledgeable lips” ie knowing how to talk to people. This means as much as we pursue education and career, we should pursue the wisdom of how to talk to people with even more vigor and determination.
This message is not reserved for therapists, counselors, or pastors but for every Christian. How are you using the power of your tongue? The book of James has a challenging warning for us. “If anyone thinks he is religious without controlling his tongue, his religion is useless and he deceives himself” (Jas 1:26). It is clear here that if one cannot control their tongue, then we can ask whether the same tongue has truly confessed Jesus as Lord. Understanding and rightly using the power of our words is at the very heart of what it means to be a Christian.
2. The Peril of Our Words
The truth is just a few untimely words have the power to destroy your reputation, your career, and even your closest relationships. Wisdom understands the peril of talking to people and thus treats words with great care and caution. Let’s consider some proverbs.
Prov 10:19 - “When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but the one who controls his lips is prudent.”
Prov 10:21 - “ The lips of the righteous feed many, but fools die for lack of sense.”
Prov 13:3 - “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”
These proverbs taken together teach that sin, ruin, and death can come from the words we speak. First, notice the connection between “many words” and “sin.” Sin is already unavoidable, but the harmful impact of words can multiply if we lose control. Second, notice that to speak without care can lead to ruin. This is the fate of the fool who lacks “sense.” In contemporary culture, we have come to a place where anyone can speak their mind, and many think it is entirely acceptable to do so without any concern for others. Proverbs says this type of behavior will lead individuals and communities to ruin. As Christians, we are to take great care in the words we speak and the words we post (even those in the comments sections!).
Prov 12:18 - “There is one who speaks rashly, like a piercing sword; but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”
Proverbs gives us a key insight as to why the way we speak carries so much peril. Words can pierce us like a sword. Words get inside of us. They have the power to puncture us to the core and leave an indelible mark on the soul. For many of us, we could share words that have left us scarred inside. We can be trapped today by words spoken years ago, constantly striving to prove them wrong. Words left unspoken can do just as much damage. How many people in our world are in despair because someone near to them did not say, “I love you.”? The peril of our words is great.
3. The Potential of Our Words
Indeed, words can pierce us and break our spirit, but they can also dig deep and sprout life and healing. We should be encouraged that whenever we speak to people, there is great potential for true goodness. Let’s consider some proverbs.
Prov 15:4 - “The tongue that heals is a tree of life, but a devious tongue breaks the spirit.”
Only three books in the entire Bible mention the “tree of life.” The first reference is in Genesis as the symbol of life as God intended. Another reference is in Revelation, where we see it in the new creation restoring life to the redeemed. The book of Proverbs says between these two realities the tree of life can be found in our very words. We can give other people a taste of the blessing, life and goodness God created us to know simply by how we talk to them! Here are a few examples that drive this home:
Prov 16:24 - “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
Prov 10:11 - “The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.”
Prov 12:25 - “Anxiety in a person’s heart weighs it down, but a good word cheers it up.”
These proverbs show that just a few encouraging words can reach into a person and bring healing to the soul. Words are one of the most powerful forces of good, and we all have access to it. Perhaps you remember a warm compliment or an encouragement from someone that made your day. Isn’t it sweet, like a honeycomb? Could it not be enjoyed over and over like a fountain of life? Words can even travel into the depths of anxiety and despair to rescue weary souls. Of course, it is not a magical cure for all anxiety, but it can get inside a person and lift the burden. Because of the amazing potential for good that can come through our words, the follower of Jesus must be committed to learning this wisdom.
II. How God Talks to Us
Prov 16:23 - “The heart of a wise person instructs his mouth; it adds learning to his speech.”
Prov 10:20 - “The tongue of the righteous is pure silver; the heart of the wicked is of little value.”
From where do our words come? Sometimes we wonder that about our own words when we speak rashly or out of context. These proverbs reveal that our words come from our hearts. In the Bible, the heart is the core of our being. It is where thinking, feeling, and choosing all converge. If you have problems with harsh words, there likely are wounds that feel just as harsh in your heart. If you struggle to speak encouragement and blessing, there is likely discouragement residing in your heart. If you are hasty with your words, you almost surely have anxiety filling your heart.
Jesus was probably thinking about the Proverbs when he said, “A good person produces good out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil person produces evil out of the evil stored up in his heart, for his mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.” (Lk 6:45). The heart is like a storehouse. The Bible teaches that we cannot fill our storehouse with life-giving words in ourselves. It must be filled from outside of us. Imagine if the greatest person in any defining role you have in life came up to you and shared with you how amazing you are at that particular role. Wouldn’t you feel great? It would stick with you and push out of your mind anything to the contrary.
The one thing that has the power to fill up the storeroom of our hearts and push out everything else is how God talks to us. The greatest, most glorious, wise, and all-knowing being in the universe speaks into our very soul through his son Jesus Christ. And what does He say? Oh, Christian, God speaks not of condemnation to you but of everlasting love and acceptance. He tells you that, in Christ, your life matters and that you are His beloved son or daughter born not of flesh and blood but by His gracious will. Jesus tells you that your life matters so much to him, He was willing to give up his life for yours. Will you let that sink into your heart today? Let this truth fill your heart and allow you to speak wisdom and life to those around you.
Reflect or Discuss
What about this sermon most impacted you or left you with questions?
Do you have an example from your own life of the “life and death” power of words? Why are words so powerful (ie why is that words get your fired, break a relationship, incite violence)
How would you describe your current approach to learning the wisdom of how to talk to people?
How James’ teaching on the power of the tongue (James 1:26) strike you? Where do you feel you have rein over your tongue? Where does your tongue have rein over you?
What words spoken to you have gotten inside you? How do these words impact you and your relationships today?
Can you think of a specific encouraging word that uplifted you? Who was it that shared these words with you? How did it impact your circumstances?
Out of all the proverbs in this lesson, which one resonates with you the most and why?
How do our words reveal our what’s in the “storeroom” of our hearts? How do our words reveal what our hearts most treasure (another way to translation “storeroom”)? What do your words reveal about what is filling up your storeroom?
Here’s another way to think about this – Jesus is saying our words reveal our hearts treasure. If we treasure money, we will speak words of flattery or deceit to get it. If we treasure approval, we will speak kind but not always honest words to get it. If we treasure success, we will speak respectfully to those who can give it to us and down to those who are in our way. If we treasure control, we’ll speak words to manipulate and control others. If we treasure Jesus, we’ll speak so that we can “get more of Him” by others getting more of Him into their lives. How does this help you diagnose your own struggles with words?
If you had one sentence to describe what God is saying to us in Jesus Christ – what would it be? What would it look like if this filled your heart more than any other words?
BONUS REFLECTION | Learning to Bless with Our Words
Prov 10:32 - “The lips of the righteous know what is appropriate, but the mouth of the wicked, only what is perverse.”
This proverb calls attention to what we say. The wise person pays attention to the setting and the person involved to determine what is appropriate. This will depend on the person, but in any situation, it will likely take some time to step back learn about them before knowing what to say.
Prov 15:23 - “A person takes joy in giving an answer; and a timely word—how good that is!”
Prov 18:13 - “The one who gives an answer before he listens—this is foolishness and disgrace for him.”
These proverbs point beyond what we say to when we should say it. There is nothing more precious than the right word at just the right time. It can change someone’s entire life. By contrast, if you are just waiting for someone to finish speaking so you can speak, then you might be trying to answer before listening. The proverbs equate this attitude with foolishness.
Prov 15:1 - “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.”
This proverb brings us beyond the words we use to how we say them. It might be shocking to think that the exact words spoken with a different expression could be the difference between encouragement and division. Yet, we all know this is true for us if we consider the sarcasm of a family member or friend. The wise person considers how to speak into someone’s life just as much as what to say. When in doubt, consider the fruit of gentleness.
Many Proverbs also point us to consider why we say them. Larry Crabb, in his book Encouragement, offers this insight on the “why” behind our words. “Never speak hard words to someone unless your love for that person has formed a vision for who that person could become, a vision that generates tender feelings for the other. And never speak hard words if you discern that you are demanding a change in another for your sake.”
REFLECTION
Which of these do you feel like you most need to learn?
Why do you think it’s hard for you to do this?
How can you practice learning this aspect of how to talk to people this week?
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